Starling

I found a starling in the wood

gasoline sheen silky fake pearls

I took you home didn’t know if I should

Little bird I gave you my heart 

so why is it ringing in my chest?

Now I’m getting wet from the rain, sweat, and cigarettes

and the sounds the house makes to bring you back

Water in the gutter falling flat

Just me and your ghost

calling me to say— well I don’t remember him saying anything—

saying anything

Night bites black then the wave of a white winter dawn

come and gone

I must’ve lost my bone 

because in a dream your brother put it back

But I was awake when I felt my story

holding me like a hand— holding me like a hand

Now you’re walking towards me with your head down

and your shoulders hunched

memories bending pennies on these wild fate lines

but you have the trick of a bird

when wings displace air

you move the perch

Kiss me I hear them calling for you from another world

Just me and your ghost calling me to say

sorry I can’t talk, it’s been so long

you’re not you 

more a part of me looking back

when old scars itch that’s when change comes

I’ll be seeing you when that old tree comes down

collecting stars in the cottonwood sticks

Color Blue in Black Jeans 

You’re a hal hartley film 

All hair in your eyes and being quiet 

We were drinking cheap wine under a denim sky 

A spring breeze across my knees

and the moon was gentle and giant 

Baby you are the color blue in black jeans

black jeans, black jeans, black jeans, black jeans, black jeans 

laddydee dadada daaa

What’s your name again oregon?

Desire or a purple black lilac? 

I looked at you and I knew 

I could be somebody besides being good 

My cheeks were cherry red

looking good with the color blue in black jeans 

black jeans, black jeans, black jeans, black jeans, black jeans 

laddydee dadada daaa

Cherries grow like wildflowers 

Jack devil driver in the hammer lights 

We were all wearing the same skin back then—

just birds hovering— 

just birds hovering above the cage 

Lost world at the triloop twist 

You got so drunk that night you slept in the closet 

Wish I knew the future’s just birds painted on a wall 

I keep looking for myself and closing my eyes

and the years keep sliding by

Now I live in a mountain town

the airs Kinda warm kinda cold kinda damp 

Good weather for planting seeds and dreamless sleep

blackening my fingers on old guitar strings 

Give me the smoke on the mountain stack 

Give me a feeling I can’t get back 

Give me a hive— give me a hive for a heart full of bees 

Give me the color blue in black jeans 

laddydee dadada daaa

Handful of Rain

I laid like a wolf the summer my mother sighed for the last time 

Mama I'm not ready oooh to grow up                                                   

I'm my own child now and when it hurts I should know 

Feelings love themselves 

They want to be felt and not understood 

This changing year has has me down on my knees 

But I saw a snake once and I was not afraid 

Yeah I caught its gleam while I was thinking about other things                                        

Now I'm walking on fallen apples under my feet 

all the air was chamomile when I rambled into you 

talking about how everything is so fucked up 

You just smiled and said when a child hands you a bowl you should eat 

Now I got a tug in the back of my heart right where wings would meet up 

I'm drawing flowers on her grave

she loved Stevie Nicks so I whisper that gypsy dancer song

oh wait that’s Little Green

Mama is that you singing or is it me?

It would be just like you to flip the script at the last minute

Life is like breath sometimes catching sometimes no gathering place

thank god for damp gray light and these inbetween days ooooh

Everywhere was cottonwood on the air that song playing gypsy everywhere I go now

And now I've got a tug in the back of my heart right where wings would meet up

I've been so afraid to be seen 

You just rolled up your sleeves reached in reset that deep bone 

I should've been scared me but it felt so good 

We went on that morning walk

Heard those coyote pups yippin' and a'howlin' on the hills above 

Your eyes were bright when I said It sounds like life beginning and ending at the same time 

Oh I'm a handful of rain and you held me anyway 

[howling]